Old Age Jokes

My Next Life

I want to live my next life backwards! You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat. Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.

When you are kicked out of the home for being too healthy, you spend several years enjoying your retirement and collecting benefit checks. When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon you're too young to work. So then, you go to high school: play sports, date, drink, and party. As you get even younger, you become a kid again.

You go to elementary school, play, and have no responsibilities. In a few years, you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged keeping you happy.

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like

conditions: central heating, room service on-tap.

Until finally...You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

Celebrating an event

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig." The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years back.

If you have enjoyed your time here?

Please vote for us at these humor directories!

Category Related Links:

Disclaimer Contact Us Submit A Joke Links